July 3rd, 2024 — 8-9 PM
Mood: 
Excited
Listening to: Izaya LA LA LA LOVE SONG cover 😘
Big things are happening...!!!!
I was actually about to write an entry on here before this, but after this news, I was even more motivated. As I said in my previous entry, I haven't had insurance for months! As in, since the end of January. And that does not mix well with being chronically ill. I had to cancel a procedure last month... but today! My dad told me he had finally set up the insurance at his new job, so I went and created an account online for him, and now I have access to the ID cards...! Which means I can finally call and schedule an appointment with doctors!!!!!!!!
My plans for how I'm going to go about everything are I need to see a neurologist first to see if I can get on the previously mentioned cholinesterase inhibitor, because if I have this specific subtype of this condition (which is certainly likely considering how easily it is for me to get sent into fight or flight AKA overproduction of adrenaline), then this would theoretically maybe not cure me per se, but it would certainly help out a ton. And then after staying on that for a bit, if my weird allergies persist (which is likely MCAS but I don't know enough about it to be sounding so certain), then I'll see an allergist for that as well. Oh, but how exciting...!!! I am really happy to be trying out an entirely new medication. My only current treatment is beta blockers, which work very well to keep my heart rate from skyrocketing and dramatically reducing the amount of PVCs I get, that's... about the only thing it really does. But I have much more than just heart issues! So if I can get on this medication, I have high hopes for it.
Actually, I had tried out Ivabradine back at the start of the year (my doctor was so nice and cool, he had no problem prescribing it to let me try it out🙏), but 1) It only caused me awful fatigue, even more so than the beta blockers, and 2) I had already paid $70 for it (after waiting like a month for insurance to approve it), and that month is when my insurance ran out, so I wasn't...gonna pay for the $300 refill. I only got to take two doses, but fwiw, it did keep my heart rate low, so I can't complain much there. I feel like I maybe didn't enjoy it as much though because most of its effect went to treating the withdrawal symptoms from replacing a dose of my beta blockers with it (lol). That shit is no joke. It's the main reason I don't really like being so dependent on it. I've ran out of my refill a few times without having a new one on hand... I hope it never happens again. 😓
At any rate, I think that's all I have to say for now. I finally started working on the new fave characters page! The current one that's up has been left untouched (in terms of styling and all that) since... probably at least 3 years now. ^_^;;; So it was about time I created a new one. I'm adding more characters this time, but not a ton. I have a problem called I can only care about like 8 characters tops before my mind short circuts and goes right back to Izaya Orihara... I mean, that's not to say I don't like a lot of characters. I do. I just don't have a lot of favorites. But it's fine. Makes my site look cuter and more concise. I only have enough mental capacity to talk about those and Fall Out Boy anyways. (lol)
I'm going to go keep working on that site now. Bye bye!!! ^_^
July 1st, 2024 — 3 PM
Mood: 
Excited
Listening to: Fall Out Boy + Kamiya Hiroshi
This is a new page!!! I definitely did not already write a few entries almost 2 years ago before deciding to put off the release of this page!!! Please don't scroll down.
Ahem. It's a bit embarrassing, but yes, I ended up writing two entries on this site while it was in development. I kept telling myself, 'I'll post it today', but then that became next week, and next month, and...well, I'm not really known for being the most consistent with my site updates.
Which brings me to the next thing. My homepage has been completely redone!!! (⑉>ᴗ<ﾉﾉﾞ✩:+✧︎⋆ﾊﾟﾁﾊﾟﾁﾊﾟﾁﾊﾟﾁﾊﾟﾁﾊﾟﾁﾊﾟﾁﾊﾟﾁﾊﾟﾁ‧˚₊*̥⭐
Yes, it took me a year, but I did it...! Truthfully, I still really like the old layout a lot, but I just... don't really know how to style it. The old homepage looked so boring and empty. So I wanted something cooler. Though, I can't help but wonder if I used too much red... it's certainly different than this page, that's for sure. This is also my first time making my own navigation buttons... I went through a lot of different outlines of them before I finally realized I'm not smart enough to do anything more advanced than basic shapes. I'm really happy with the layout. It's kind of similar to the layout I had before this last one, in terms of where the content is, but this time, I have three columns instead of two. I'm really glad I ended up going with that, because it gives me so much more to work with. That, and putting the navigation buttons on the sidebar was such a good move. 🙏
Along with the new homepage, I'm also publishing my new Fall Out Boy shrine page! Before this, it was nothing more than a picture of the logo on my neocities page...lol. I actually had been doing stuff with it on my local version of my website, but I just couldn't figure out what to do... my original idea (and the one I sat on for the longest) was to put the cork tree album cover in the middle of the page, and then have the middle part disappear for the content. And then it'd switch between that and the back cover of the album. I didn't like it because it left so much blank space on the page. So I had the revelation to keep the little boxes that the songs were in on the album back, but remove the divs they were contained in... which led to what I have now. I am very happy with it. I wanted a layout that looked like the cork tree theme, and this is perfect. The js was a little annoying to get working. I had to do a lot of trial and error. It wasn't particularly hard, I just suck at it.
Oh, but I'm forgetting one of the biggest changes: I changed my site's url! Yes, that's right... I was formerly balladeer... I changed it because as much as I love Scaramouche, I wanted a url that better fit my site and its theme. Funnily enough, though, I apparently started making a shrine for Scara back in December 2022... as in, I only put a title for the page and set the background color. I don't remember doing this. That being said, I'll hopefully be working on that soon enough.
I've talked so much about just the site, but I forgot to talk about my own life. Well, obviously, a lot has happened with me since I last was on here. I got my license, if you can believe it. (Well, it kinda happened before my last update, but I'm talking about it for the first time now.) I'm driving in Houston now. I don't like it. I don't like Houston... I can go 90 mph on the freeway and still have some freakishly huge ram or ford f-150 on my ass. I'm not even in the left lanes either... that, and there's a tesla store or whatever just off the freeway near my town, on the way north. So I get to see 9000 of those hideous fucking things... and I've already seen those god awful cybertrucks way too many times.
But enough of that. I haven't had insurance for months now, so I haven't been able to see any new doctors, but I'm hopefully getting it soon. I found a neurologist in my area that treats the condition for a medication I want to take. I word it like that because it's not the condition I have, but it's a cholinesterase inhibitor, so it should do good for me. That, and this doctor specializes in issues with the PNS, so even if he doesn't know much about my condition specifically, I can at least explain it and he'll understand it.
I also recently finally updated my Izaya site as well! I was motivated by someone on Tumblr who said they really liked my site... I was so moved. 🥺 I didn't do too much, admittedly, but I did change my merch page into a whole separate page, instead of it just being contained within the iframe. It's a lot better this way. I made it look cute. Go check it out. 💖
I don't know if I'll be able to go back to college this year... I waited until the very last minute to submit my financial aid shit because I was really pissed at how nosy they were about my parents, and it kinda backfired on me...so I don't think I'll be able to get any aid. And I certainly can't afford college. Well, I wanted to go to work for a while anyways, but... it's so hard to find a job. Everything on Indeed is either AI bullshit or "come force train autistic kids to be normal!!!!😇" so it's completely useless now. I'd like to go back to working at Walmart because I had fun there last year, but towards the end, I had to call in so much because my condition kept flaring up and I'd get too sick to come in... so I don't really know how I'm going to navigate getting a job while disabled.
(4:43 PM) Oops, sorry... I got distracted playing Genshin. I want Furina so bad... 😢 She's been my like, second or third favorite since the Fontaine quest... but I was unable to get her on her first run because I had used up all my primos getting Neuvillette, so... I'm really trying hard now to get her...! I don't really know what else to say here. I'm going to publish this site now, so I'll see you all on Neocities!
October 2nd, 2022 — 5-6 PM
Mood: 
Indecisive
Listening to: Malice Mizer + MCR
Today, I got up at 1-ish as usual. I'd like to fix that soon, but it's the only time I feel truly alone so I am hesitant to give it up. My dad made chicken wings earlier, but I felt too sick to eat more than a few. I'm not even sick
right now, but I guess it's just another episode...
I got a referral to a specialist finally. Unfortunately, since no doctors in my area specialize in this disorder, I have to travel all the way to Dallas...which I already hated before but now I hate even more after seeing their MCR
setlist.
Anyways. I'll likely go by plane because I'm not asking my parents to drive 3+ hours over there, and public transit is so bad I won't even consider it. This'll be my first time riding a plane, and my dad might come with, but either
way...I'm very uneasy about it. It's only an hour long flight, thankfully, but I hate going to unknown places and doing big things; I have no control of it either, which makes it even worse. But! This popcorn company I really enjoy is
based just 30 minutes from Dallas so I want to go there too.
Back to my MCR concert. It was so much fun! I really think I prefer Toyota Center over the ATT Center, even though this is my first time going to both (that I can remember). It was a lot more open, and I just really liked the overall
vibe. And...oh, the concert itself was phenomenal. I got to properly enjoy it this time!! At the SA show, I sat down for ~75% of the show and was on the verge of passing out so much, but this time I barely sat down for like not even 3
songs maybe. I guess the stress of travelling ~3 hrs the same day didn't help me much last time, huh...that, and I made sure to drink a lot more water this time around. I even brought my beer salt with me! My seats were much farther out
because I bought them so last minute, but I still got good photos and videos!!! And the guitar solo during TGOY......it was just as good live. Oh, and this time I got a physical ticket! I'm so happy.
I went to Walmart last night. It was just because I had ran out of film for my instax mini I got the other day, and I actually wasn't going to go at first. And I went to the record section, as usual, flipping through all the records in
hopes that I'd see what I was looking for. I didn't have much hope, because I didn't find it at the ones in Stafford or Sugar Land, so why would it be in my tiny ass city? But just as I was about to leave, I saw there was a larger
area of records. So I flipped through those too, not very serious. And towards the end, I was just looking through random stacks with no real motivation, until I saw it: the Bullets record. I thought I was dreaming. I think my heart
skipped a beat, and it wasn't my condition this time. I gasped kind of loudly and probably looked a damn fool to the person who walked past me as my mouth was half open, and I picked it up frantically and began to tear up as I opened the
telephone app to call my mother and tell her the good news.
Er. Well, that's a bit of a dramatic retelling, but I truly was so happy. Even at the register I was still shaking a bit as I ran it past the scanner. Now, I only have one rare dream CD left to obtain...! Many years ago (2016), Aniplex
gave a bonus CD to everyone who bought all the Durarara!! X2 DVDs or BDs through them. What was this CD? More cover songs. And it just so happens that Orihara Izaya happens to sing one of the songs on there...do you see where I'm going
with this?
I've never seen it cheaper than in the low $300s online. Which is understandable, yes, but aghhhhh is it so frustrating. The first time I learned of this CD's existence was 2 years ago, which was already 4 years as a Durarara fan, so I
was surprisingly late. After a bit of internet scouring, I managed to find a SNIPPET of all the songs. So I went through each of them. I was like yes yes these are nice songs. I thought Shizuo's was surpsingly depressing (then again his
two other songs were as well so). And then I got to the final one: Izaya's. Had I been standing at the time of hearing it I would have fallen down and started rolling around and coughing up blood.
It was a love song...!!!
After a good few minutes of holding back tears, I swore to myself that I would hear the entire thing one day. It's a good thing I did not specify a time frame because it has been 2 years and I still have not heard the entire thing. I
finished my drivers ed the other night after motiviating myself with the fact that I will be able to work therefore afford the CD, however, so it will be soon. I will be sure to thoroughly document my feelings for it. The song itself is
really good too I've been a fan of the original since I heard Izaya's so double excitement!!
(6:38 PM) Actually, going back to that instax I mentioned earlier, I really like it. I've wanted one of these since I was like 11, so to finally have one is satisfying a nearly decade-long wish...! My first photo was a really bad photo of my Revenge CD btw... haha, I didn't get the framing and distance just yet. But even if a majority of my photos are kind of objectively bad, I still like them.
(9:32 PM) I was there to see dream reveal his face. It was like every other white boy I have seen before. I'm going to end this entry properly now after letting it sit while I go do 200 more things. Goodbye!
September 19th, 2022 — 9~11 PM
Mood: 
Happy
Listening to: Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
Hello and welcome to my online diary! I don't expect to update this daily, but I do like to talk quite a bit so hopefully I won't abandon this...!
Today I didn't do much. Earlier, I went out with my dad to get yakisoba instead of pizza like I originally planned. I also went to a corner store and stocked up on this green tea I really love...I haven't seen it in stores in months so
I'm forced to pay ridiclous prices at these places lol.
Next week is my second MCR concert...! I'm so excited. Last one I didn't get to enjoy to the fullest extent because I was busy worrying about if I was gonna pass out or not so I rly hope I can relax and get properly riled up at this one
haha.
Hi sorry I just got distracted for 2 hrs it's 11:24 now. Anyways day after mcr is Genshin 3.1 update...! Scaramouche is coming back after another yr...wkwk
Actually now that I think abt it I'll prolly end up speaking a little jp here and there in at some point..I should add a jp text tag but I'm lazy lol
I'm not going to publish this site just yet, because it's still kind of ugly and messy and I want it to look better, but I'll likely put it up later this week. Speaking of, I'm supposed to go to the doctor's Wednesday (accidentally forgot
to finish writing this lol sorry)
