ヒメ臨

izaya is such a unique creature.

i mean that in the sense of my feelings for him, but he is of course a unique creature on his own as well.

in many ways, izaya is a complete exception to everything i feel; i don't typically find myself attracted to anyone at all or looking for romance, except for izaya. i could never see myself with a man, except for izaya. i don't really want to get close to anyone, except for izaya. i don't have a foot fetish, except for izaya's feet.

...oh, sorry. ignore the last one.

anyways. it really is strange to think about just how much izaya means to me. it sounds silly, and maybe it is a little bit, but i think from the first time i saw him, i sorta knew he would become important to me. just how important, of course, i had no idea of knowing.

generally speaking, i consider izaya and myself to be a bit alike, but where we diverge is how our personalities manifest. i got really excited seeing how interested izaya was in psychology back when i was 12. that being said, our interests are different, and i don't really have an interest in observing people (aside from izaya himself ^_^). so i don't know if i could consider us opposites, but i also don't know if i could consider us the same. well, there's really no reason to dwell on that.

for a while, there was this strange phonemonon i experienced with izaya; i called it my triannual izaya obsession, or whatever. i got into durarara in 2016. and then three years later, i suddenly got obsessed with izaya all over again, but even stronger than the last.i don't like to divulge too much about this kind of stuff, but the timing was really crazy. i think had it not happened when it did, i would not be here today.

2019 to 2020 was a terrible time in my life. so far, it's probably been the worst time. i became really sick, and with the doctors unable to figure out anything, along with some other things going on in my life at the time, i really was terrified i was going to die. out of fear, i clung to izaya's existence to at least keep me somewhat sane. it actually worked. which is funny, because he actually triggers my illness sometimes now, but i digress.

i didn't really have anyone to rely on at the time, so izaya was like my savior. that being said, i never want to go back to that. i was so unstable, it just left me miserable. the love i felt for izaya wasn't what he deserved, nor is it anything i would be proud of.

enter 2022!

my life was much better. i was medicated now, i was (partially) diagnosed, and i just had better people around me. but once again, like clockwork, he returned. which is really good, cause i was into genshin at the time, and izaya is so much better than genshin.

it was even stronger this time. i think that is in part thanks to my emo phase also coming back (thank you foundations of decay), so i could start aggressively connecting izaya with my chemical romance and fall out boy. it was funny, because in 2021, i tried to be like "oh izaya is my bestie for ever hes like an oomf to me" and then 2022 hit and there was like this fanart showing up on my tl with hinm in a swimsuit and sweaty and like LMFAO i want to fuck my "bestie". 🤣🤣🤣 long story short i was kind of always destined to love him and get married to him.

it kind of just intensified after that. the toaru if x durarara collab came out, so i was giggling and kicking my feet opening up my game and having izaya greet me... i suppose it was because i was older and an adult now, but my love felt more complete this time. in 2023, i commissioned my first yume art!!!

in 2025, it had been 3 years since the last "triannual obsession". technically right on time next one, but... the last one never went away like the last times. maybe those times were just building up until the real deal? i don't really know. but it does feel nice and complete now. to me, izaya kinda feels like home.

it was around 2022 when i stopped lusting after other characters, too. which is funny, cause i was... really passionate about scaramouche from genshin impact. but then izaya infected my brain again, and suddenly, nobody else interested me. actually, when i think about it, doesn't it kind of sound like an illness? my immune system isn't the best, so maybe it's that every time those triannual obsessions went away, it was actually my immune system getting rid of a dangerous disease. the last time, though, it was sadly unable to fight it off, and now he's permanently infested my entire body, leaving izaya inside me forever... i don't particularly mind it like that, but is it possible to switch it the other way around...?

sorry. i'll quit with the weird jokes.

but really, i think i have an izaya fetish. nobody gets me excited like he does. he's so cute and perfect. even the characters that end up becoming my favorites in other franchises are so izayacore, it's actually sickening.